Resident Evil Zero: The Annoying Blonde Girl
by SlashM
Summary: I suck at summaries so... It's about two of my O.C.'s who magically appear in the Resident Evil universe. Also, when I say the annoying blonde girl, I don't mean Ashley. So, yeah... I GIVE YOU COOKIE FOR R&R!
1. Prologue

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**_(A/N: Alright, first fanfiction EVER so don't go 'you suck so bad that you should be char-broiled along with J.B. in the pot of chipotle.' I accept PROFESSIONAL criticism along with all of the other crazy psychopathic things readers post. (BTW if you ask NICELY, I shall read anything if you would like.) Anyways… I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! I will post the first chapter a day after the prologue (hopefully), which is serious, short, and sort of boring. So enjoy my rare seriousness until tomorrow.)_**

Prologue: The Beginning of the Beginning

The first-class train sped down the tracks, squishing a poor, innocent little deer to a mushy pile of "licorice" covered in "salsa." Everyone on the train was, of course, oblivious to the soul of the animal leaving its body and showing the train "the finger." One of the passengers was extremely engrossed in a file, which had a white and red umbrella-looking symbol on it, the symbol matching the one on his suit. As he read the papers, he tried to ignore the pointless chatter going on around him. The man looked as if he was in his early twenties, with combed-back dirty blonde hair with a stubble on his chin to match. His facial features consisted of ocean-blue eyes that had bags under them from the lack of sleep, and a boyish look to his entire face. His posture was that of a teenager, slumping in his seat with an exasperated look on his face.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, doing his best to find a better position.

The only reason he was uncomfortable was because of the Desert Eagle digging into his back.

He looked up abruptly to survey his surroundings. He was in a dimly lit cabin with at least a dozen other people, either sleeping or reading. He felt that something wasn't right, then his instincts told him to get somewhere that did not have any windows or vents.

So, he stood up, file in hand, and walked over to a supply closet, where he stepped in and locked the door. Soon after, there was the sound of shattering glass and screaming. Through all of the screams of agony, the man, not once, broke the look of calmness on the exterior of his body. He knew this was going to happen soon, but he didn't think _this_ soon.

The train lurched forward, taking the man by surprise, and then started to slow to a stop.

He stood there for a second and decided that he should try to get some sleep while he still can. So, he took a pillow and a blanket, made some room on the carpeted floor, and fell asleep.

**_(Like I said, short. BUT, like I said, I will do my best to try and post the first chapter tomorrow so everyone can read it. No promises though because I live with an A-hole of a cop so I might be very busy to the point where I will have to wait. P.S. I do not own Resident Evil….. Yet. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)_**

**_ -M.S. (A.K.A. Em)_**


	2. Chappy 1

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**_(A/N: WHOOOOOO! A MONTH LATE! I am terrible…. So when someone goes up to you and says 'boner,' do you ignore them? I punch them so I'm not as bored. Hehe. ANYWAYS, my first chappy is FINALLY going up and I hope I can get some reviews before I possible go insane, cry, and then do my homework out of boredom. So….R/R!)_**

Chappy 1: It's only a Glock….

The leaves crunched under my inferno weight as I started to stand up, my head spinning like I had just woken up to find myself hung-over. I was in the middle of a forest, my feet freezing on the ice-cold vegetation under my bare feet. One moment I'm in my living room watching some comedian on T.V. charbroiling Justin Bieber in a nice pot of boiling chipotle oil, and the next I'm on my back, looking like a complete moron in the middle of a forest. For some reason, everything looked oddly familiar.

My whole body ached as I stood leaning against a tree, which topped the miniature hill I was on. I listened for any sounds I could, but the only thing I could hear was the silence that loomed over the forest in a deadly haze. I looked down at myself to find that I was wearing my favorite Avenged Sevenfold shirt, my favorite Hollywood Undead jacket, a black pair of shorts, and my favorite FullMetal Alchemist pendant. At least I decided to wear something around the house this time….

I started walking and/or tripping down the hill when I heard a coughing sound coming directly from my left. Hoping that it was someone who could get me the hell out of this god-forsaken forest, I jogged over to it.

To my surprise, it was a boy who looked a bit older than me. He had shaggy black hair along with emerald-green eyes, and he was wearing a pair of kickass combat boots, some jeans with holes at the knees, and a white Rise Against hoodie. The moment I saw him, I started to think that I was in some type of Resident Evil fanfiction. The chances of THAT happening were zero percent, so I just decided to forget I ever thought that.

I started thinking about chocolate-chip cookies (probably because I have ADD) when the boy in front of me sat up and stared at me, obviously taken by surprise that some weird girl with blonde hair was staring at him with a zombie-like expression on her face. He started to stand up, and I guess I got a little paranoid because I inched one step away from him.

After he stood up. He leaned against a tree and stared at me with an "I-don't-give-a-shit" look on his face.

"Who are you?" he asked, not exactly giving a shit.

I stop thinking about cookies and stared into his eyes hotly. "First off," I said, "how about giving a damn before you ask. And second, my names Misa, or Em for short." I think I said that like some kind of Bipolar freak.

He seemed so shocked by my reaction that his mouth was open to the point where he looked like a complete dumbass.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off, but I was just wondering how the hell I got stuck in the middle of a forest"

"You and me both," I said, turning around and walking face-first into a metal wall.

I peeled my face off of the metal, trying my best not to rip any of my skin. I turned to face the boy who was staring at me, wide-eyed, doing his best not to laugh.

Just so you know, it didn't work.

He was literally on the floor laughing his ass off. After a minute or two, he stood back up. One look at me sent him into another laughing frenzy.

" …son of a Bieber," I mumbled, looking up and down the side of the train for any signs of life.

The only thing I could find was the name of the train, which was….

"Lip Express? What the hell…"

My eyes widened as I got a closer look at the name.

Ecliptic Express.

"Okay. This is NOT how I wanted to spend my summer vacation."

"Huh?" the boy sounded from behind me.

I spun around and shook him by his shoulders, screaming, "I don't wanna go through a zombie apocalypse!" or "Damn you Capcom!"

The boy I was shaking had a "WTF?"look on his face and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"We're in the middle of the Resident-FREAKING-Evil universe!" I shouted. I just got stared at like I was sprouting cat ears.

"Yeah, and I'm Chuck Norris,"he said sarcastically.

"I'm serious! And- wait. Did you just dis Chuck Norris?"

"That was not a dis," he responded. " Saying he will forever be Bruce Lee's maid would be a dis."

"Chuck Norris is so much better than Bruce Lee," I said, staring at the train. After a while, I walking toward the nearest door and placed my hand on the handle. I smirked as I remembered something.

"The door to safety is shut. There is no turning back…"

I turned the handle, slid the door open, and stepped inside. The place looked like your typical train car, complete with rotting bodies. The carpeting was a crimson red, which matched the seats of cushiony goodness. Blood had splattered everything in the room, even the items on the floor, which consisted of papers, pencils, a radio, an unused condom…

"Lovely," I said, staring at the condom like I was trying to set the piece of rubber on fire.

I felt a tapping at my shoulder and turned to face the boy that was with me.

"Yes?" I asked, irritated that he had a devilish smirk on his face. His eyes had a malicious glint to them.

He walked past me, brushing up against my shoulder. Then, he bent down, picked up the condom, and stuffed it in his pocket, me staring at him the whole entire time.

"What?" he asked as he turned toward me, his face consisting of a confused look.

I just stared at him like he was the biggest dumbass in the whole world.

"Um…" he said. His eyes got wide and his face paled as I said a certain little something.

I clenched my fist in front of my face. "Falcon…"

"Oh, shit."

"PAWNCH!"

Let's just say he'll need to go to a dentist. Possibly a doctor too. And a therapist….

I was seriously thinking about trying to pull off a Mortal Kombat fatality when a door to the next train car opened up from behind me, revealing a girl who looked a bit younger than me. She had boy-short, chestnut colored hair, along with bright green eyes and an innocent-looking face. She was wearing a pair of black boots, some green pants with a matching green shirt underneath a white vest that had "S.T.A.R.S" on the back. The only reason I noticed her green fingerless gloves was because she had a Glock pistol aimed right at my forehead.

"GAHHHHHHHHHH! Don't shoot me! Shoot the pervert!" I yelled, pointing at the guy who was standing up, blood trickling down the corner of his mouth.

That seemed to calm the girl down, if not creep her out, because she hesitantly lowered her gun and extended a hand toward me. "My name's Rebecca Chambers, I'm the medic of the 'S.T.A.R.S' Bravo team. Are you two survivors of this train crash?"

I took her hand and shook it violently. _Holy shit, it's Bitchy Becka!_ "I'm Misa, and I don't know this bum's name," I pointed to the perv standing to the side. "We're not survivors of a crash, we just found this train here, and we were hoping to found out where we are."

Rebecca was about to say something when the perv-in-question spoke up. "My names Drake," he said, irritated, "and I don't think this is a crash. The only damage is on the inside."

Rebecca had started to mull over the thoughts in her head when a disembodied moan sounded right in my ear. I mean, holy shit! It was, like, BREATHING in my ear and I didn't even notice.

God, I'm pathetic.

Needless to say, we toppled over, as in, zombie and I. During the fall, I moved my hands to the sides of its head so that I could keep some space from me and its disgustingness. Drake jumped out of the way to save his sorry ass, and Rebecca was rushing over to me with her handgun drawn.

When Rebecca reached me, I yelled, "Shoot the damn thing in the head!"

She was appalled at first, but complied, as she shot of two rounds, resulting in me being covered in 'brain juice.'

Yum.

I pushed the now un-undead off of me with a scowl on my brain covered face, doing my best not to throw-up the ramen I ate before being stuck on the train of survival horror.

Too bad I was stuck with Bitchy Becka and the Pedobear. Otherwise, I could've at least had some fun.

"Are you alright?!" Rebecca panic-screamed in my ear.

"Yeah, sure, if getting attacked by a zombie and being covered in brains is your idea of alright," I said bitterly while trying to rub all of the zombie brains off of my face.

Rebecca looked at me with hurtful eyes and I got a guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. _They have feelings too, you dumbass! They ARE human!_ I screamed at myself for a couple more seconds before I turned to Rebecca.

"Listen I- WHAT THE HELL?!"

She burst out laughing along with Drake, leaving me utterly confused and speechless.

"You make derp-faces when you think!"

And that's how Drake ended up on the floor from a very fatal bitch slap.


End file.
